Background to this post:
As reading through some of the group pages I am on, I notice a lot of people talking about depression and anxiety. Although, I sympathize with anyone that might being going through some lows and dealing with these two horrible things, some I believe play the part in order to get sympathy from others. Here is the truth about depression. I started feeling depression and anxiety at a young age, over time I developed what I call “ticks” behaviorisms that I would do caused by anxiety, it took over my life for a while. It was like anxiety was living my life instead of me. It was a horrible and out of my control… I know where my anxiety stems from. This post is not to put any one down. I love my family, and I know not everyone is perfect and I have forgiven them for everything I had to endure, but I feel like this post will reach someone who needs it….
I want to start off by telling you a little bit about myself. My name is Callie. I’m from a small town in the Northeast Corner of Oklahoma. I am by no means famous, unless a picture in the local newspaper counts! I take pride in who I am, but getting to this point of pride didn’t come easily. I come from divorced parents in and out of court until I reached the age of 18, where i could finally legally remove myself from the equation! I’m no math expert, but the equation I was living in for 18 years- had no right answers! I was always trying to solve, and work at making my life happy, and struggling through how to equally balance both parents where I didn’t have to choose one over the other… dealing with this situation in my childhood brought on anxiety and depression.
Before, I go into all the details on my not so I perfect life I want to state the facts.
Definition of Anxiety: a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
Definition of Depression: feelings of sever despondency and dejection.
Despondency- a state of low spirits caused by loss of hope and courage
dejection- a sad and depressed state; low spirits
I put this out there so people know the truth behind the words of anxiety and depression. It is not something we make up and adjust ourselves to just for the hell of it. These two words are REAL and people wake up everyday having to deal with the definition they have been categorized in. Have you ever had to be a label? Labeling myself as being depressed and having serve anxiety is not something I go and brag about to all of my friends, I was the girl that hid behind a smile and acted as everything was PERFECT in my life. I’m sure a few of you understand why I did this. To me my mental illness was embarrassing and the last thing I wanted to do is share it publicly with the world.
Most people don’t get help with anxiety and depression until they are forced to do so. If you are truly an addition to this label you know what I mean.
On July 10, 2017, I found out that I wasn’t the only one in my family that suffered from anxiety and depression. I got a phone call that will forever change my views on the way I live. If I wasn’t a Christian before, I defiantly knew God existed now, he gave my little brother a second chance at life.
Growing up I only thought about how my parents divorce effected me, never once did I think about how it effected my brother. He wasn’t a raging teen for the hell of it, and now it all made sense. All his acts of anger and unkindness were a cry for help that no one had answered. I live with the guilt of letting him down. I always had a special place in my heart for my brother for he was my best friend growing up, but I didn’t know how much i truly loved him until I got a phone call that he was found hanging from a rope, and they didn’t think he would survive! People this is depression at work…
My brother was going through some his own family problems, and that is not my story to share, but it all stemmed from losing his HOME. When I say HOME, I don’t mean a house with a front door that can be easily opened and closed. I’m talking about the home in your heart in which your family lives. A house is not a home without love and family… we grew up in in a HOUSE on Scraper street, our HOME was destroyed at 8 and 6 when our dad walked out the door leaving everything behind, leaving us behind. His life got “better”, my moms life got “better”, but as for me and my brother we lived the nightmare that my parents created. They made a choice that we would forever have to deal with. When leaving a spouse because of problems the last thing on your mind is your children’s future because if that was the case there would be a whole lot less divorce. Divorce is an easy fix to your problems and it’s an out because you want to be “happy” again. I am telling you first hand there is no “happy” in a broken family. This is coming from a kid with experience. (Side note: take time to invest in your marriage, if you aren’t going to do it for yourself, do it for your kids)
I’m putting this out there to make you aware that people suffering from anxiety more than likely are not going to post about it, they are not going to tell you their story, people that truly suffer from this illness don’t even want to admit to themselves that they have a problem, let alone the world.
There is so much more to anxiety and depression than playing the part… I am not putting this out here for my own enjoyment I’m putting this out there so the truth can be told…
If you are suffering with depression and anxiety I know you probably won’t tell me, but know you are not alone. I encourage you to reach out for help. Take this label and burn it.. don’t let the depression and anxiety become who you are. Reach out to a professional and get the help you need. Be embarrassed no more.
If you don’t have these issues, but you know someone who does contact them and just tell them you love them, show them support and encouragement. They need to feel like they are important.
I could be telling you an entirely different story today, if things turned out differently on that hot July day, full of tears, but I’m fortune I got to close the chapter of that book with a happy ending, some are not so lucky.
Reality: depression and anxiety is REAL, you are not ALONE, don’t be afraid to ask for HELP.
With Love <3,