Warning: This might piss some people off… Sorry in Advance…
We have all been there.
Where we feel lost and alone.
Like no one in the world truly cares about you.
You catch yourself asking crazy questions as if you are not even worthy of your own answer. Being in a dark place is not for the weak. Some will say, “Oh, she is just feeling sorry for herself.”, but the truth is YOU put her there. YOU put her in that deep dark, state of mind, from your own self-pity. Putting her down to make yourself feel better, now that’s friendship, right?
“Why would she hate me, is it jealousy?” Then answering that question with this answer, “Why would she be jealous of me?”
Wishing I could take my 25-year-old self now and give my 16-year-old self than advice. The things that I would tell myself.
The lessons learned and the tears shed, made me WHO I AM today, but it was hell getting here.
The reasoning behind this blog post is not to let you in on a dark part of my life, but to give you the brighter side of it. Yes, I had suicidal thoughts as a teenager. I wore a rubber band around my wrist to inflict pain instead of doing the alternative, cutting. Those who know me to my roots are the ones that are worthy of that story. (You know who you are) It’s not something I am proud of, but I can say I am here to tell you I overcame that obstacle, and to me…. that’s strength.
Getting out of that state of mind was not easy, but it is doable.
And to do it…The first step is to CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!
That’s right, you heard me, change your life girl.
Change your friends. (If this is happening, they were not really your friends in the first place) And well… that’s when I found my KALEY …my saving grace.
Change your way of doing things. Get out of your “normal”, find things that are new and exciting.
Change your attitude. This was by far the hardest step for me. People thought I was a bitch. Not something, I am proud of being, but I acted rude and hateful because I felt like I always had to protect myself. After being put down and talked about all the time, the inner bitch comes out, believe me!!!!
Change yourself. Because no one is going to change them. (Trust me, I prayed for this to happen) You can only control you.
Not everyone is going to be just like me. These are the things I had to do to overcome my challenges. It was harder than anything I ever had to do. I had been friends with the same group of people since I was in the 3rd grade and to give them up when I was a sophomore in high school was difficult, but giving them up was the best decision because after I got over the hurt, moving forward never felt better.
I WAS FREE!
It wasn’t all of them that I hated, mainly just one.
How can a teenage girl have so much power? So much power for others to join in her torture. False rumors, lies, and deceitfulness. Sad thing is it don’t stop there. Turning friends on each other and making our lives a game. Believe me we all fell for your stunts a time or two. Some of us still do, but not me. One person can cause everything to crumble, just one. MIND BLOWN!
I hope when people read this they will see that just because a life seems perfect, it has its flaws. Everything has its flaws; you just have to dig deep into the roots to find them. Always be careful what you say and do to people because you might not know what that person is going through and you could be that ONE.
It only takes one.
With Love, ❤